Tales of Packets and the sea

There are many customs now prevalent among particular classes of men, the origin of which is so obscure from antiquity or other causes, that it would be fruitless to search after them. Why for instance will many Captains and crews of Merchantmen refuse to sail on a Friday? It is unlucky say they: But how or when did it begin to be considered so. There is also another custom more generally prevalent at sea, and it is one, which all must approve. Tis Saturday night, is the remark of one shipmate to another shipmate – aye so it is, was the cheerful reply – let us have Sweethearts and wives. Saturday night there is one of moderate joviality and Sweethearts & Wives, or Wives and Sweethearts, is universally toasted by the Single and the Married. Tis pleasant thus to have recalled by an established custom to our mind those whom we are bound to regard with love and affection. When we speak of Wives & Sweethearts, the principle of association and memory act together, in bringing before us othrer objects of affection than those above expressed, not less dear to us – and thus we are never suffered to forget them.

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An officer in the army, who was once a passenger on board the Duke of York to Halifax, one day at dinner spouted forth “Pray Captain Snell, if the Powder Magazine should blow up, what would become of the Mail?” You will no doubt think this a very strange and foolish question simply as I have told it you –but you will be still more surprised when I tell you what led our officer to propose the question. Our Powder Magazine lies in the after-Cabin and in one of the births near to it the Mail was stowed. Now in the opinion of the officer the proximity of the Mail, Bags to the Powder suggested that they would be endangered in case of accident – whilst it never occurred to his imagination, that anything else would be in danger. The same hero was in the habit of firing his gun, whenever any birds presented themselves. With open mouth and raised gun he continued to pop, pop, and when it was observed to him that the birds were at too great a distance, he replied that he was firing at them for practice.

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No tricks upon Travellers, as much to say that if you attempt to tell a thumping lie to one who has seen the world; and can convict you of drawing a long bow, you must look out or the consequences will be very unexpected and disagreeable. The converse, however, of this maxim may be in general acted upon with safety – and at sea the experiment is often tried with various success. Whenever you propose to hoax, or cram a person, you must first learn how much he knows, and what he is ignorant of, and regulate yourself accordingly. On shore the credulity and the simplicity of the Jack tar, is often played upon to the infinite amusement of the land-lubbers – but when the trick is discovered, they have often reason for repentance. So when a landsman undertakes a voyage for the first time – when he is found to be very easy of belief, he is soon made the object of many a lark. It would be amusing to be told some these – and having already mentioned several in my Journal, to which I was witness, I shall only add one or two which I heard from the Actor or Agent himself.

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During one of the voyages made by his Majesty’s Packet Duke of York, among the passengers there happened to be a very young man, who was a mere fireside traveller, and was from his ignorance and simplicity extremely open to the attacks of the Naval Wags. In the course of conversation, having often heard of crossing the line, he let out that he imagined the line to be not a mere imagination of Geographers but a reality, which would be perceptible to the eye. Upon this foundation, the following trick was played. On the day, when it was expected that the line would be crossed, the Master stretched a horsehair across the glass of his sextant, and brought the Sun to such a position, that the hair divided it in the centre. He then called impatiently for the hoaxee to come and see the equatorial line. He obeyed the call, and was delighted with the view, never for a moment entertaining a suspicion of the truth. Not content with being the only spectator, he hastily descended the companion ladder to summon the rest. They at first only laughed at & jeered him, but at last pretended to be very anxious to be assured of the truth of what he said, and for that purpose came upon deck. By this time , however, the Master had removed the hair, and declared that they had already crossed the line. To be convinced of this he again showed the Sun to the Hoaxee who immediately confirmed the Masters words, and seemed highly delighted that he was the only one of the passengers who had seen the line.

The same person, one very fine moonlight night when in the Southern Hemisphere, where certainly that luminary shines forth with a brightness – unknown to us, the conversation having turned upon her size, her brightness, and the purity of the air, asked with an air of perfect seriousness, if the moon they now saw was the very same they had seen when they had seen when they left Falmouth. All who heard the question scouted the idea of the identity of the moon which they saw in such widely remote parts, and John Newcome was perfectly satisfied, when they told him that it was a moral impossibility that an object which seemed no larger than a double Gloucester cheese, could be visible at one & the same time at the distance of so many thousand miles, and that the real truth was that different places had different Moons!!!

You will doubtless exclaim what a fool, what an ignoramus – and so indeed he was – because had he possessed even a small portion of that information which is now so widely diffused, he would not have been made the subject of a lark, or a hoax.

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A rainbow at night is a sailors delight.
A rainbow in the morning, sailors take warning.

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The celebrated Maia Graham, was returning from Brazil, where she had been Governess to the Emperor’s daughter in the C……..r [1] Packet. Previous to the arrival of the Packet, information had been anonymously given to the Collector of Customs that the Commander’s lady, who had gone with him, intended to smuggle a large quantity of silks. In consequence of this information, a search warrant was obtained, and as soon as the C……..r came to anchor, a female searcher was sent on board. I know not whether any discovery was made as to the Commanders lady, but it is certain that the woman insisted upon searching the person of Mrs. Graham, who was highly indignant, altho’ she dared not refuse. When all her trunks, boxes &c. had been overhauled, her person was next searched. She successively stripped herself of all her clothing, until she came to her chemise, when the searcher declared she was satisfied. No said Mrs. Graham, you shall not be satisfied yet, et elevato camiso, parlet honoris ostendit, and upon these she gave a slap, which made the welkin ring, and exclaimed “Go and ask your Collector, if there is any duty upon untanned hide.” I believe every possible apology was made by the Collector, but no apology could gain her good graces. “Auctore luigis fabellae nostrae Pacquestae prefecto.”

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A Master’s Mate (I forget his name) who was remarkable for his frequent entry of certain expressions in the Log Book, was seen by some of the Admiralty Clerks coming on with his Log Books under his arms. When he was within hearing, “Ho, ho,” said they “here comes light breezes and fine weather.” “No,” replied Maty with an oath, “’tis fresh breezes and squally,” and so sating he suited the action to his words by throwing his whole cargo of Books at their heads, showing that those who made a joke, must learn to take a joke, even tho’ it be a practical one.

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One occasion at dinner, the rolling of the ship occasioned great annoyance to our passengers – and one of them, a Mr. Moon addressing Mr. Geach said, “Surely you have no title to be called Master of this Vessel, since you cannot prevent this heavy rolling. Why don’t you put a stop to it and let us eat our dinner in peace.” “Because.” Said Senor Ozevedo a Portuguese ____ [hand ?], “he is not Master of the Rolls.”

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During the late war, it happened that there was a great scarcity of hands to man the Packets – and recourse was had to the only expedient, which could be easily applied to, viz. of recruiting among the mining districts, without regard to a mans ignorance or skill in seamanship. By holding out great inducements, not a few were prevailed upon to go to sea, & provided themselves accordingly. Some brought pots and pans – some large chests – bedding &.^c and one man actually was at the expence of transporting to Falmouth a four-posted bed in the full confidence that he would have abundance of room for putting it up.

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Noster navis praefectus, die Dominico solebat nobis calimnationem rehementum exciter Qunum ad dienedictionem perenisset rapids voce locartus est. “Gratia domini nostra Jesu Christi &.^c” sit nobiscum in saeuila sacculorum-da mili cognam, dispensatis addidit, eadom voca et tons, pruisquat tempus miki datum est adjuhgero A men.

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We had a passenger from Barbadoes to Jamaica, ______ Mahon – Assistant Surgeon in the Artillery. His name was certainly Irish but I could not detect the slightest accent – & therefore set him down as an Englishman, till a true Irish bull undeceived me. Happening one day to be talking of the fatal consequences of intoxication in the West Indies, he mentioned an instance within his own knowledge of a man in his regiment, who one night drank out two bottles of rum, and in the morning found himself dead. Aha – aha.

men.

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On one occasion a Packet was returning home from a long voyage, and when about 400 or 500 miles from their port, was encountered by a foul wind, – which impeded all progress in advance for three weeks. This detention was severely felt by the men, and one of them ventured to say that he knowed well the cause of their bad luck – and what could it be but officer a passenger, who wore his cocked hat as he did right fore & aft – If he would only square his yards, he’d warrant they would soon have a fair wind. This cause of foul wind was assented to by all and the suggestor was commissioned to get the matter altered. So Jack, happening to be on deck, when the officer was remarking what a long foul wind, they had had, made bould to say, that he the officer was the cause of all – How so enquired the soldier. “Why, sur, you see, you always wear your sky scraper right fore & aft, braced sharp up, as like on a wind – If you’d only square your yards, or wear it athwartships, I’se sure we would have a clever fair wind.” At first the officer did not comprehend what Jack told him, – but upon its being explained to him, he very good naturedly placed his hat in the desired direction. That same day, they had a favourable change of wind – which of course, by all the men was imputed to the alteration made in wearing the cocked hat.